I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
