Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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