I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
