I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Mom said you looked used
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
