I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
