I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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