i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
