Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My ass is underappreciated
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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