i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
