U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
