so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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