did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Porn is love you can see.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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