Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
