You're my little dorito
I'm lost and stupid without you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize