Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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