Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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