I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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