:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize
