i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
