if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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