Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
