I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
