he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
