My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
