I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
