dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So much rum. So many feels.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
