DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
