I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
