do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
