the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
