i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
