I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
