I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We need a shit load of segways right now
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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