threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
