What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
