Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
