he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
