drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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