If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
