I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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