why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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