you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
