haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
