you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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