I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
