Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
