I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
