im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
