What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
