Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
