Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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