is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
