dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize