So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
