Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize