went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
