a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Found the puke drawer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
