In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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