You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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