hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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