Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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