it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
